I haven’t been here in a while. I’ve been busy getting over my Paris depression by planning a bathroom renovation and our trip to the Basque country in June. (First world problems!) Always thinking ahead, and planning and planning and plotting. That’s what I do best. That and reminisce about the past, oh I am really good at that as well.
So this post is about how I think the Universe is trying to teach me a lesson. Slow down, sister. Be present. Plant your seed where you are, and nourish the young sprouts. Breathe.
There have been signs all around me lately. Like this picture that I posted on Facebook.
It made me think of Jordan, and a lesson I keep forgetting. She was 7 and we had just moved back to Maryland. It was a beautiful morning as I recall…I was in my single mother rush mode, trying to get her out the door for before school care so I could get to work, and Jordan was totally not cooperating. She kept staring out the window instead of eating her breakfast and I was growing increasingly frustrated. ”Hurry UP!!” I yelled. “We’re going to be late!!” But Jordan, oblivious to my stress, just kept looking out the window. “Look Mommy, that tree looks just like a dinosaur. A T Rex”. Argh, I was late and she was wasting my time looking at a tree! But then I looked, and, well, it really did look like a dinosaur! A perfect T Rex. And I’d never noticed – I had never taken the time to look, and I know that I never would have noticed if my darling girl hadn’t made me stop and look. So we both went out on our porch and just looked at the tree for a long time, something I did many times after that morning, to remind myself to take the time, to breathe…
So I need to remember that lesson, and look for the little things. Like that cute boy I saw while riding the Washington metro yesterday. We were both standing by the door with our earbuds in, lost in our own musical worlds. Then I noticed that he was pointing his toes and circling his ankles. Well, OK, whatever. Then suddenly he stood on his toes (he either had toe shoe tennis shoes on or some really strong toes!). He proceeded to “perform” various ballet movements with his feet, lost in his own world and oblivious to the fact that others were on the train. It was beautiful, and it made my heart light. Look around sister, and revel in the small things. Breathe.
I bought Jim some Riesling and Pinot Noir grape vines for Valentine’s Day. I thought it would be nice to plant the vines together, and cultivate the grapes, and then (most importantly, and my ulterior motive), make some wine together. The other night I was reading to him from the book on growing grapes and making wine that I also gave him for Valentine’s Day, and I came across a sentence that said “It will take at least two years before you will be able to make wine from your grape vines”. WTF? Two YEARS!!?? I can’t wait for 2 years. That’s TERRIBLE! I have to take care of the grapes for 2 YEARS before I can get my wine?” I whined. Jim just listened and said: “maybe grapes aren’t the best thing for you to grow. They take patience”. And as he knows, patience is, um, not my strong suit. A lesson wrapped up in a grape vine. Patience. Learn it sister. I hear that the 2015 vintage is expected to be awesome…
My final sign was this column http://blog.sfgate.com/morford/2013/02/26/shut-up-for-one-tiny-second/ by my favorite bad boy writer and yoga instructor Mark Morford. This is how it begins:
“Not long ago or maybe it was just last week, my friend had an epiphany.
She said, in a surprised and exasperated voice, in that tone you normally reserve for discovering you have obscenely bad breath or a third nipple or maybe a clump of shiny black hairs sticking out of your nose and no one bothered to tell you, she said, “Oh my God! Do you know what I just realized? I talk way too much.”
OMG, me TOO! I know it’s true. I so related to the woman in the article when she said that her mind starts racing, forming thoughts and responses way before someone is finished speaking. I don’t think I do it for the reason that Mark Morford’s friend realized she did, to keep people away, as a defense for getting close. But I do know that I need to slow down, to REALLY listen, without jumping in with my own 2 cents. It’s hard, because, well, anyone who knows me knows that I like to talk talk talk. And I try to be a good listener! But I know that I can do better. I need to do better. I can’t imagine meditating in silence for hours – but maybe that’s precisely why I should learn how to do it…
As RB says: “I should save my breath. I should bite my tongue. Cause the same sun shines on everyone. I should bite my lip. Let my big mouth sleep. Cause the whole damn world don’t turn on me.”
Slow down sister. Breathe…